Thank You Poem

So, my husband's best friend had her wedding two weeks before we had ours and we just received the thank you card today; I just bought our thank you cards over the weekend (at Family Dollar -- you could tell the wedding money ran out quickly on our honeymoon).

But, instead of a hand-written card (read: the only types of thank you cards that won't get you in trouble with the WASP side of my family), it was a photocopied poem, clearly written by the bride's mother. It was a very nice poem: easy to skim, our names were hand-written at the top, the Pepto-Bismol colored paper was a little nauseating to look at for very long.

I made the joke to my husband that we should write a short poem in each of our thank you cards. Here are some of the ideas:

Roses are red,
Bees like honey,
Your gift was sweet,
But we also like money.

*

Thanks for coming to our wedding,
Now call off the bet,
Although he screwed up the vows,
We haven't divorced yet.

*

My thighs may not be sore,
And he stopped saying "Heee-eey",
But I'm still a whore,
And he's still gay.

*

Thank you for your gift,
We'll use it near and far,
Thanks also for attending the wedding,
Hope you liked the open bar.

*

Glad you liked the wedding,
We heard you were tanked,
His mother said she met you,
She was the one you spanked.

*

I know we don't talk as often as we should,
Time passes so fast, it's true,
But I'm glad you gave a present at the wedding,
Now I can go back to ignoring you.

*

As I got home the night of the wedding,
And saw the presents in a heep,
I decided to open them,
Because he was already asleep.

*

Votes? Anyone? (Will anyone talk to me after these are sent out?) Hhhmph.